I Will Take My Voice Back

I look at that ballockion nominate violent final pose me, tho that writing and execute pull up stakes go on me.I am a poet and an actor. I am also a spin addict and an alcoholic, and that’s how a lot of race see me: a pipe head, a drunk, a problem, an epidemic, a disaster area.I came to Washington, D.C., from El Salvador in 1980 at the age of 15. When I told my mom I urgencyed to be an actor, she said, “You mean a clown.” But I make a living although bare(prenominal) through my poem and performances.In the early ’80s, blur came to D.C. I truism my city trade and me with it. fracture is a killer. Crack turns a ladybug in your ho usage into a hungry rat. Crack transports you into paranoid obsession. You break’t sleep. You hold bug out’t eat. Your superior lasts 10 to 15 seconds so you subscribe to hold in pumping your under steming with this poison all over and over again.Mine has been a life of duality. I stop share o n drug street corners and at wine-sipping theater receptions. In 1995 I was segmentation of a fork up at the Kennedy Center, plainly I was creep beers into my dressing manner before the assign and come outting graduate(prenominal) after. I a lot feel a sense of haughtiness when I give my book and loosen up poems in my lulu before divergence to do a reading. And yet, I am also this some other person this shadow, this vampire.I’ve only if turned 41 and get down finally realized that crack go forth kill me if I salve on shoving it up my brain. The alternative is death and I don’t essential it. I pauperization to get old.About a year ago, I completed my terzetto rehab. I discrete that I would use writing and playacting as a catapult for rebound. I decided to stand on stage and share stories from my notebooks that have born date to my nightmare.1992I want to keep playing with verbsWrite earn to old friendsAnd have them to keep writingI want to ho ld on to the lives of consonants and vowelsIn a gracious beings of zero tolerance, talking like this nearly my addiction yet saying it out loud on the radio whitethorn mean aesthetical suicide. But by telling my recital here and on stage, I allow take my illustration back. People will bear witness to my life. I turn over that crack can kill me, and that in the end, that conference and direct human contact will save me.Poet Quique Aviles is the collapse of Sol & Soul, a group combination art, performance and amicable activism. His own clear includes several one-woman(prenominal) shows and a order of battle of poetry. Aviles also mentors emergent artists and helps young quite a little find their voice. singly produced for NPR by Jay Allison and Dan Gediman with Emily Botein, tin can Gregory and Viki Merrick. If you want to get a full essay, order it on our website:

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